Bad Larry
My New Team
Hello Everyone, and welcome to another season of elite ultimate frisbee! It was a long and arduous winter, but we survived. Now it is time to take off those elite snowboarding mittens and those elite telemarketing boots, and pack them away for the winter in your elite corrugated metal storage shed. We will not be needing those things for the next six months (and we don't allow our elite athletes to intermingle elite athletics anyhow). One elite sport at a time, people. You have to focus all your time and energy on one sport if you want to become truly elite. And now is the time to focus on the most elite sport of all. And what sport is that, you ask? Well, they don't call it "Ultimate" for nothing. Thats right! Its time for some Elite Ultimate Frisbee! The time is now! Don't fight the now! Its here! Right Now! Feel that now-ness. You feel it? Yeah, you do. Its now. Now is here. Welcome to now.
Anyway, now that you are here, we have to figure out whom is playing with whom and where they plan to play. I personally think San Francisco offers the most elititude, but sometimes I feel that there is so much elititude out there that the actual eliteness suffers. It isn't all that special to be an elite player when you are surrounded by so many other eliters. And how can you truly be an elite ultimate player if you aren't surrounded by players that are less elite than you and you can't look down your nose at them. It just doesn't work. I prefer to be elite in a place where there are a few other eliters, but just enough to still possess the elitedom. Welcome to Denver, Colorado. Welcome to real eliteness, perpetual eliteness. I like to call it, "elition".
Now that we have decided to play in Denver, we must decide whom will play with whom. I know most of the people that visit this site would prefer to continue to play with Bad Larry. but I am here to tell you that is a bad idea. coed ultimate is not elite. some of you might think it is elite, but its just not. Its time to seperate the men and women from the boys and the girls. and then seperate the men from the women and the boys from the girls. and its time to seperate the elite men from the not-so-elite men, and the elite women from the not-so-elite women, and so on. How do we do that, you ask? Good question. This is how we are going to do it: we are going to have a little party and invite all of the ultimate players in the city. I will wander around the party with a clipboard. If I catch anyone speaking about anything other than ultimate frisbee, they will get a check mark next to their name and be immediately thrown out of the party. The 15 men and 15 women that can talk about ultimate frisbee for the longest stretch will be asked to play on the elite squad. Also, those 15 men and 15 women must immediately pair off into couples. This will help facilitate bonding between the men's and women's elite team and it will also ensure that our elite players will not bring any outside relationships into our elite circle.
After we have set our roster, we will need a team name for both the men's and women's team. They must be clever, they must illustrate our elititude, and they must make absolutely no sense at all to the outside observer. On a personal note, I really enjoyed telling my father that I played for the Horrorzontals in college and then laughing in his face when he asked me what it meant. Anyway, back to the team name. A lot of teams try to come up with names by coming up with a few possibilities and then voting on one. our teams will not do this. I own a ph.d. in naming frisbee teams, so I will do this myself. The men's team will be called Flickity JuJuBean Sky Callahan-dyman and the women's team will be called Calista Flickhard's Callahan-d Bag.
I think that settles everything. I hope to see you all at the party. and remember, no non-ultimate conversations. oh yeah, and I suppose I should tell you all where the party will take place. But if you are truly an elite ultimate player, you will find out on your own. Good luck!
Anyway, now that you are here, we have to figure out whom is playing with whom and where they plan to play. I personally think San Francisco offers the most elititude, but sometimes I feel that there is so much elititude out there that the actual eliteness suffers. It isn't all that special to be an elite player when you are surrounded by so many other eliters. And how can you truly be an elite ultimate player if you aren't surrounded by players that are less elite than you and you can't look down your nose at them. It just doesn't work. I prefer to be elite in a place where there are a few other eliters, but just enough to still possess the elitedom. Welcome to Denver, Colorado. Welcome to real eliteness, perpetual eliteness. I like to call it, "elition".
Now that we have decided to play in Denver, we must decide whom will play with whom. I know most of the people that visit this site would prefer to continue to play with Bad Larry. but I am here to tell you that is a bad idea. coed ultimate is not elite. some of you might think it is elite, but its just not. Its time to seperate the men and women from the boys and the girls. and then seperate the men from the women and the boys from the girls. and its time to seperate the elite men from the not-so-elite men, and the elite women from the not-so-elite women, and so on. How do we do that, you ask? Good question. This is how we are going to do it: we are going to have a little party and invite all of the ultimate players in the city. I will wander around the party with a clipboard. If I catch anyone speaking about anything other than ultimate frisbee, they will get a check mark next to their name and be immediately thrown out of the party. The 15 men and 15 women that can talk about ultimate frisbee for the longest stretch will be asked to play on the elite squad. Also, those 15 men and 15 women must immediately pair off into couples. This will help facilitate bonding between the men's and women's elite team and it will also ensure that our elite players will not bring any outside relationships into our elite circle.
After we have set our roster, we will need a team name for both the men's and women's team. They must be clever, they must illustrate our elititude, and they must make absolutely no sense at all to the outside observer. On a personal note, I really enjoyed telling my father that I played for the Horrorzontals in college and then laughing in his face when he asked me what it meant. Anyway, back to the team name. A lot of teams try to come up with names by coming up with a few possibilities and then voting on one. our teams will not do this. I own a ph.d. in naming frisbee teams, so I will do this myself. The men's team will be called Flickity JuJuBean Sky Callahan-dyman and the women's team will be called Calista Flickhard's Callahan-d Bag.
I think that settles everything. I hope to see you all at the party. and remember, no non-ultimate conversations. oh yeah, and I suppose I should tell you all where the party will take place. But if you are truly an elite ultimate player, you will find out on your own. Good luck!
posted by jfs at 3:20 PM
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