Get Yourself a Souvenir

I opened the door and a little bell jingled over me. I should have expected it, but I was nervous and it made my heart skip a beat. I looked up at the bell to reconfirm that it wasn't an alarm of some kind. Just a friendly little bell to alert the staff that a customer is inside the store. I wish I hadn't been startled and I wish I hadn't looked up at the bell. If I would have just continued to look straight ahead I would have noticed the rack of postcards right in front of me. The rack of postcards that contained pictures of strapping young males posing in various positions wearing absolutely nothing but their pride.

I walked past the rack of postcards and into the store. As I walked deeper into the store I was distracted again by the entrance of the employee. He was an older fellow dressed in casual attire. Jeans and a flannel, tucked in. He greeted me in an obscenely feminine manner and thats when it dawned on me. All of a sudden the walls started closing in on me. Everywhere I looked there were naked dudes with cowboy hats, naked dudes with bow ties, naked dudes with chaps. I was suffocating. my head was spinning. There was absolutely no where to look. Every square inch of the place was adorned with masculinity. Oh, great god almighty! I'm in a gay porn shop! My throat swelled up and dried out. spinning. frightened. out of control. seizing. spinning. help me lord. I can't get out. help.

The employee asked me if he could help me find anything. I stared back at him incredulously. yeah, I bet he'd like to help me find something. that sonofabitch. no, wait. I had to remind myself that this guy wasn't a deviant. just a gay dude working in a gay porn shop. everything is cool. calm down. breathe. just a gay dude and a straight dude hanging out in a porn shop. nothing strange here. just two dudes hanging out surrounded by naked dudes on postcards, and outfits made of leather hanging on racks.

I tried to act natural. just ask for something. just ask for something you know he doesn't have and get the hell out of there. I casually ask the employee if he has any videos.

"You got any dvd's?"
"Yeah, we got a few right here."

He points down at a glass case and I can't help but look down and see more naked dudes on the cover of a couple of dvd's. Ouch! I didn't mean to look at them. Honestly. It just happened.

"These all dude dvd's?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Ahh, I'm sorry. I'm looking for something with goats."

He stares back at me. I can see the fear rising in him. I've got the upper hand now.

"Well, do ya got anything with goats?"
"No."
"Guess I'll be on my way then. I'll check back in a couple of weeks. Thank you, kindly."

I casually walked toward the door. On my way out I noticed the rack of postcards with the dudes posing proudly for me. I perused through the selection and picked out a nice picture of a lad wearing a corset. I motioned to the employee that I wanted the postcard and I tossed him a quarter. Then I turned and walked out the front door. Never been in a gay porn shop before. Thought I should get me a souvenir.