R = Backward

I started theengine but the interior lights didn't turn on. oh yeah. I have to turn on the the headlights and then the interior lights will come on. I look for the headlights but I'm not real sure where the hell they are. god damn, this rental car is kicking my ass. I have not idea where any of the instruments are located. I don't even know where I am located. I've been on the beach for about six hours. I think I'm in san francisco, but I don't recognize anything around me. It doesn't feel like san francisco. Its warm and sunny and beachy like socal. There is no fog and no golden gate bridge. But matt says we are in san francisco, so I guess we are in san francisco. I'm sitting in the driver's seat of this fucking rental car and I guess we are in san francisco and I guess I have to drive this fucking rental car around san francisco. Although, I'm not going to be driving anywhere if I can't find the god damn headlights on this god damn rental car. matt is in the back seat. I ask him where the headlight switch is located. He tells me the headlights are already turned on. well, ain't that a son of a bitch. the headlights are in fact shining outside. but the interior lights are not eluminated inside the god damn rental car. I'm losing my patience waiting for them to eluminate. fuck it. I don't need em to eluminate. we're taking off. besides, the police are about 100 yards away from us issuing tickets to people that won't leave this parking lot. I'd like to get out of here before they issue me a parking ticket. Its time to go. No time to wait for those interior lights to activate. matt won't tell me the code word to turn em on anyhow. Its time to go. good thing this god damn rental car is an automatic. I can just throw her down into reverse and back out of here. slight problem. can't tell which gear is R, N, or D. shit, this thing might even have a D2 and a D3. No time to worry about that. I slide her down into what I think is the R. I ease on the gas and nothing happens. I must have put her in Neutral. I slide her up one gear. Or maybe down one gear. shit, I don't know which way I slid, but I like it. I feel good. confident. this time I don't ease on the gas. I punch it. time to go! I jam my foot down on the gas and look out the back. the rental car rockets forward right onto the concrete curb. I'm looking at matt in the back seat. the car just went the other way. I must have put her in D. maybe D2 or D2. definitley didn't put her in R. I think I high-centered the rental car. I put her in another gear and ease on the gas. nothing. we're definitely stuck. the police are definitely less than 100 yards away. damnit. I try another gear and jam on the gas. still nothing. matt tells me to take the keys out of the ignition and run away. he is already half way out the car while he is telling me this. he's outside now. I turn to the passenger seat. hey, its dave. he's been sitting there the whole time. hey, dave. I think we're stuck. he agrees. stuck is a good assessment. I concur. we're stuck. should we get out of here? probably. lets have a look see. dave and I get out of the car and take a look see. we are indeed high-centered and the police are less than 75 yards away. I look at dave. dave looks at matt. matt won't look at either of us. matt is walking away. as he walks away, a group of guys walk toward us. they are laughing. they are laughing at us. they are laughing at me. I'm looking at this god damn high-centered rental car. the guys offer to pick up the front end of the car while I put her in R and back out. I think its a good idea. matt and dave help, but matt isn't quite sure I should be the one behind the wheel. too bad, matt. I'm putting this bitch in R, and we're gettin out of here. the strange guys get the the front end off the ground. I'm behind the wheel and I think I got her in R. matt and dave are helping to pick up the car. matt is laughing. his leg is right in front of the wheel well. If I put the car in D2 or D3 again, I'm gonna drive right over his leg while he's holding up the car. I'm not gonna let that happen, tho. no, sir. I shan't be driving over anyone's leg tonight. I put the god damn rental car in R. matt and dave and the other guys pick up the front end. I jam on the gas and she rockets off the curb in a backward motion. the police are still 50 yards away. matt and dave get back in the rental car and we drive out of the parking lot. matt is laughing in the back seat. I'm not real sure dave knows what just happened. neither do I. no time to think about it, tho. I gotta figure out what city I am in and where the hell I'm driving to. matt. where are we again? san francisco. oh, yeah. I better turn on the fog lights...where the hell are the god damn fog lights?